Actions speak louder than words

I wanted to write a post that could help people understand. Help people who want to help the ones they care about or love but don’t know how to. The one thing that these two types of people have in common is they both feel helpless. The one who is suffering feels helpless to describe how they are feeling. The person who is trying to help feels helpless because they just don’t understand what the other person is going through. I feel if I can explain my personal story than others will be able to relate, and the ones who don’t know how to help might feel more at ease of how to connect with the person more.

What I’m referring to is affecting 18% of the population, which is about 40 million adults. What i’m about to share is not easy to share, nor is it taken seriously by everyone. This is a mental illness-Anxiety. Now if you go and google anxiety it will lead you to depression, and other disorders associated with anxiety. Someone who suffers from anxiety does not suffer from all of those other disorders. Don’t get me wrong they can, but everyone is different because they all have a different story of how they have gained this illness, and how they deal with it. I personally do not associate it as an illness.

Anxiety does not make everyone awkward:

For myself, I’m an extrovert. I am very outgoing, and love being social. You can put me in a room full of people at a party and I would make a whole bunch of new friends. Just because you have anxiety doesn’t make you socially awkward. There might be times that you are in a middle of a really big crowd like a concert, and you start to feel anxious and feel the need to remove yourself from the situation for a little bit.

For myself, when I start to feel anxious in a big crowd I feel dizzy, I can’t breathe, and I need to sit down. Only on occasion may that might happen. The best thing for me is to just walk away or just be quiet. Don’t think something is wrong or I’m not enjoying myself. I am still having the time of my life, and i’m enjoying the atmosphere, but sometimes it becomes too much. So when this happens, don’t ask me what’s wrong, don’t take it personally if I walk away from you, just accept that it is best for me to do. You don’t have to leave the person if they walk away, most times they feel better just having someone by their side and not needing to say anything. So just sit there as support, and that will mean more to them than you trying to figure out what’s the right thing to say.

Your biggest enemy is your own self:

You get frustrated with yourself because you don’t understand why you are worrying so much. I am the most optimistic person when it comes to everything. I always see the positive out of anything negative. I want to help others with their problems before I help myself. I never get angry, and I know how to deal with stress. The one thing I cannot control mentally is my worrying. Someone with anxiety worries ten times more than someone without it. The type of things that people with anxiety worry about are all completely different.  What I personally worry about is my health, the future, and my experiences from the past into the present that have started this whole cause for me. Worrying personally I think is one of the worst causes in relation to anxiety.  When I’m worrying it makes me feel anxious, I feel shaky, I can barely breathe, and I’m trying to avoid a panic attack. The best thing you can do is be that balance for that person. Let them know that it will be okay and everything will work out. Even though we might know that, sometimes we mentally can’t control our worrying even though we know it will be okay in the end.

The worst thing for us to overcome:

The one thing that I hate to do, and most people might agree with anxiety is talking about how we feel. I tend to keep all of my emotions in and not let anyone know how I’m feeling. I can on the outside look like the happiest person in the world and act happy, but inside i’m the complete opposite. I don’t like to talk to people about how I feel because it makes me feel more anxious, and all of my emotions and worries that I have kept in for years is the last thing I want to let out to someone in one conversation. Don’t get frustrated at us if we don’t want to talk to you about something serious, or let you know how we are feeling. We are people with many layers. It takes me a long time to let my guard down because I feel people will judge. Some people with anxiety might not show affection as much, or be as verbal to serious conversations, but that doesn’t mean we won’t wanna talk eventually. We just have layers, so it takes us longer to open up, and it takes us longer to trust someone to hear how we feel. Be patient with us, and let us open up when we feel it’s the right time to do so. We feel that you don’t understand why we take longer to share something with you, so we avoid hard conversations all together. The more understandable you are, the less questions you ask us, and the more you open up and wait for us to, we will feel more comfortable to be more vulnerable with you. That doesn’t mean when we get frustrated with you or seem aggravated we are annoyed by you. We love you as much as you love us, but we might not how to show it like you do.

Life is hard:

Life is hard for everyone, and we realize we aren’t the only ones with problems. The difference is we might not know how to physically or mentally deal with it. The more you understand us and the more you accept that you will never feel the way we do, the easier it will be for you to connect and understand more.

To sum it up for myself:

What I experience in life no one will ever understand and I will never want to talk about it. I might tell you most of my story, but never the whole thing. Because that’s not who I am, I have not understood yet how to open up with one person because no one has shown me they understand or is willing to just keep it between us. I cry sometimes for no reason, I sometimes would rather be by myself than with others, and I won’t tell you how I’m truly feeling. Overall I am the happiest person, but thankful understanding person I can be. Confusing right? Anxiety is something that you can try your hardest to explain to someone, but they really won’t understand because they aren’t experiencing it. If you can understand us then that’s all that matters. If you can love and accept that person for who they are, then that’s it, simple as that.

The reason not to judge someone until you know them, because you never know what they have been through, what they are going through, and why they act the way they act.

Learn to accept, accept to love, and love everyone because then life would be a better place to live.


It takes a certain person, time, and place

Today I’ve decided to come to a downtown area because it’s eighty degrees out and beautiful. I wanted to come down here to just enjoy the day, and be able to clear my thoughts. This place that I have come to is filled with families walking around the river, people sitting in the grass with their babies, and people at the beach swimming and enjoying the weather. I truly never realized what our world has come to until I sit here in the grass by myself, and look around at all of these people.

Every single person that I have looked at is on his or her phone, and not being social with each other. A family of four all sitting side by side with each other has not said one word, instead looks down intrigued with what is on their phones. You wonder what they are doing, who are they talking to, and what’s so important that they are missing what is around them. They are missing so much that is going around them, so much energy and excitement. Since I am one to not be on my phone I have experienced a lot just in the past half an hour. I have seen an old aged woman with her walker and her middle-aged daughter walking together enjoying the beautiful day. I’ve noticed a young couple with the girl on her phone talking to someone, and the boyfriend just texting walking around irritated because they are not communicating and enjoying one another’s company. Then I see a young couple sitting under a shaded tree, enjoying the atmosphere around them. Then I’ve noticed in all how many people no matter what they are doing decided to come down here and enjoy the day. Took the time to get outside and be able to relax for however long they have.

It’d be nice if people interacted with strangers, get to know someone they don’t know. You never know, it could make a whole world of a difference in their eyes. Maybe that person came down here to get away from a problem, to relief stress from work, or enjoy one last day before going back to school. What I’m really trying to get at is don’t let those beautiful moments pass you by. Don’t be afraid to get outside of your comfort zone and meet someone new. Live life everyday remembering that it’s something special and you should take advantage of every breath you are given, every step you are able to walk, and every conversation you can take advantage of. Because one day, one minute, one second, all of that can be taken away from you, and then you look at yesterday and wish you could’ve changed it all.

Why quitting my full time job was the best decision i’ve so far made.

Before I start this post, I want to give a little background of myself. As I start to post more about my life, I want my readers to be able to connect with me and relate as much as possible. I am a twenty-three year old full time college student that lives in the suburbs of Chicago. I went to a public high school, and in my graduating class there was about 1,000 plus kids I graduated with. Growing up I did not have the best family situation, and no I was never handed anything I wanted in life- I worked hard for it. One week after turning sixteen I started my very first job as a sales associate in retail. After seven long years in the retail world, I finally gave up. My first job was at Pacific Sunwear, I worked there for four years. I decided to leave that job because I was approached by a store manager to come check out their company and work for them. The best decision was leaving that job and becoming a manager at American Eagle. I left Pacific Sunwear as a keyholder and started American Eagle as a keyholder. Within three years of being at American Eagle I was promoted to a store manager. Now keep in mind I am still in college all of this time as a full time student.

School vs. Job..

There were times that I just wanted to quit, quit it all. I could not find a balance for myself when I was working forty hours a week with only one weekend off a month, and being able to keep up with school and managing good grades. For some reason I had this intent that I would bust my ass off at my job because I was getting paid for it, and school was whatever because for some reason I did not feel a reward at the end of the day putting hours of studying and class time in. So my job started to take over and school slowly started to slip out of my control. Dropping classes, failing classes, going on academic probation.. I couldn’t manage both.

My own sanity vs sacrifice…

Many people don’t understand how hard retail is, especially managing it. It was getting to the point where I was losing my mind, losing a social life, and most importantly losing my perception on life. Time was slipping away from me and there was no way of controlling it. All of my friends started to graduate college, and I was here still in community college with a full time job. What I started to realize was since i’ve been sixteen I was working a JOB-not a career. Now don’t get me wrong, this experience will get me so far after college, and I am so thankful for the endless opportunities, but it’s far more than that. It was time for me to make a difference because everything in life that I wanted to do and figure out in my twenties slowly seemed to be impossible to reach.

Life is too short and i’ve never been so damn happy…

I am a firm believer in living every day like it’s your last. I started to realize that life is more than clocking in for eight hours, clocking out, and then the next day doing it all over again. There’s a difference of getting to that place where you are clocking in to do what you love, and then to clock in to get paid hourly. I realized I was clocking in to just get paid. Putting in my two weeks was the hardest thing I ever had to do because the company was awesome and so good to me, but it just wasn’t enough. I quit my full time job in the beginning of July and I finally understand what it’s like not work late nights, being able to actually enjoy your weekends, and doing things that you have had on your “to do” list since six months ago.

Being so young I realized you shouldn’t have to work to live. Yes, of course I need an income, but not as important as getting through school. Not as important as accomplishing the littlest things like cleaning out your closet, washing your car, going to the gym in the middle of the day. I have gained sanity back because I have been able to do things for me. I wanted to figure out what I exactly need and want in life before life slips away from my hands, before I have a chance to grab it. I shouldn’t have to just get by in school because i’m working full time. I shouldn’t have to miss out on going out with my friends and those memories because i’m a store manager at twenty three years old. Not even being a manager, just anyone my age working forty plus hours a week. This is the time in life where everyone should figure out themselves before you can make others happy. Make sure you are happy with yourself before taking any next chapter in your life. Make sure you have a job that you are in love with. Make sure you still have time for YOURSELF. Because if you don’t, then what is the main thing you’re living for? Live for life, live for love, life for happiness. Don’t live for money, don’t live to please others, and don’t live thinking you will have tomorrow to change it. Change it now, because if you don’t that is going to turn into days, weeks, months, and maybe even years for you to realize and regret that you should’ve changed it when you first realized a problem. For me, I should’ve changed it three years ago.